好き≠好かれる
Psychology of one-sided love
文字数 1,816字
「もし私がだれかを好きになったら、その人も私のことが好きになるはずだ」
“If I’m happy, the world is happy. If I’m sad, the world is sad. Then if I fall in love with someone, the person is surely going to fall in love with me too, right?”
ひょっとしてこう信じる人がいるとわかったら、え？と思うくらい幼児でなければ奇妙な人かと感じるかもしれませんが、実はこれは私たちみんなのことです。
By any chance if we came across a person with such idea, we would be sure that in case that they are not a very small kid they must not be quite right in the mind, but in fact, that is how every one of us actually thinks.
同じ概念で、もっと現実的にしたら、多分その好きな人とは知り合いと言えないほど接点があまりないのです。大体見た目だけ見て性格が詳しくわからなくても、いつか『その接点』があれば、例えば一緒に終電に乗るときに、彼らは絶対私たちに優しく話してくれると期待しています。
If we are to reiterate this very same idea in the real world, probably the object of our love would be someone we usually see but does not have much chance to get closer to. Even though we do not know about their personality or anything except from what is shown in public, we would strongly expect that if we and this person were to have “a bit of time,” such as by riding the same last train at midnight going home together, that person would surely find that they are happy to be with us and spend a lot of time talking.
だってもともと彼らも自分に少し興味があるではないかと。前にわざわざコーヒーを買ってくれたとか?!
Of course, they showed interest in us for a long time, right? If not so, what is the meaning of the coffee they bought for us back then!
自分にとってこの世界観は合理的です。叶わない恋愛と言うより、もうちょっと終電に乗れば自分からのと、相手の実際に抱いている愛も繋がっているようだともやもやに感じます。しかし、その例えを逆転してみてほしいです。
From our perspective this would really make sense. Instead of our seeing it as an unrequited love, by riding the last train for some time together we would think of it as how the love we have, and the love the other hid from us up until now, would finally be connected. However, I would like you to turn this example the other way round for a moment.
とくに読者様は見た目のいい人なら、自分は気づかないかもしれませんが、日常で上記通り自分にもやもやしている人はよくいます。
Especially if you are a good-looking person, even if you might not notice, in every day there are often many people who feel dreamy and romantic just by the sight of you.
例えば夜に飲んだあと急いで終電に乗ったら、自分は普通に感じるし、一緒に乗っている同僚などに対して特別な機会だと感じるかもしれません。
For example, when you hurry to catch the last train after drinking at night, you probably feel that it is just something in your daily life and do not feel that riding such train with your co-worker is anything significant much.
本当に優しい方は、彼らが好きでなくてもこころが理解できると言っても、実際に彼らみたいな人は一人二人ではありません。カフェで見かける人だし、見覚えのあるコンビニの店員とか数十人いて、彼らのこころをすべてを共感はできないでしょう。
As for a person who is truly kindhearted, even though they have no romantic interest, we can probably say that they would still understand the feelings of people who like them, but in reality, it should be noted that these people are not few in number. They might be someone who happened to see you at a café, or an employee at a convenience store who remembers you as a frequent customer, which there should be at least tens of them, and it is likely that nobody would be able to care for all of their feelings.
嫌な気持ちというより、ただ読者様に対して、一緒に終電に乗ってもやもやする彼らの気持ちは全く存在しないかもしれません。
Instead of saying that it is anything repulsive, it is just to show that from your perspective, probably the feelings that people who ride the same last train have for you might not seem to exist at all.
内面的に自分がどう思っても、例えば自分は何かの人だと感じても、世界はもう沢山の人に応じるべきなので、自分に待遇してくるべきではないということですが。
No matter what you think from the inside, such as how you feel you are this and that kind of person of whatever importance, since the world still has an endless list of people for it to grant their wishes too, it does not have to treat you any more preferentially.
上の例えはまだ常識くらいで、自分の片思いは大切ではないと感じる方がいますが、それから好きな『芸能人』などのことになったら、私たちの奇妙なことが浮上するらしいです。
Even if you might think that the example above is somewhat of a common sense, and that your one-sided love is not to be taken seriously, when it comes to our beloved “celebrities” (actors, singers, etc.) our peculiarity would come to the surface.
私たちは好きな芸能人やほかの有名人は、いつか現実の接点があれば、彼らは私たちを好きだとなぜか期待しています。
Somehow, we expect that if we were to meet our favorite celebrities in real life, they are going to like us, and probably have romantic interest in us too.
彼らは笑顔でサインしてくれて別れる存在だけではなく、終電に乗る例えみたいに『もう少しの機会』があれば、自分と長くしゃべりたくて、イケメンや美人の場合なら彼らは私たちと恋人になりたいのです。
That is, they are not just someone who would sign autographs for us and then go back to their own lives, but similarly to the last train example that we believe if we have “a little more chance,” they are going to want to chat at length with us, and also if they are handsome or pretty, we believe too that they would want to date us.
この点は本当かどうか、ちゃんと人生を振り返って考えてほしいです。
Whether this point is true or not, I would like you to look back in your life and think carefully.
人は普段、自分が嫌いな人を好きにならないです。同じように、誰かが好きになればなるほど、珍しいですが、その人も等しく自分への好意を抱いていると信じます。それに、狂っているほど好きなのは、相手から『キモイ』などのネガティブな反応を聞いて、熱愛から殺害したいことに豹変するのはただ汚い恋愛というより、相手の本心がわかったら、大体私たちは裏切られると感じるからです。
Normally nobody would develop likeness for anyone who hates them. And in a similar manner, the more one likes somebody, the more one tends to believe that the person would, strangely, have the same feelings for them too. Moreover, when a person who has passionate love meets a negative response from the other such as “get off you creep,” and then all the sudden such passionate love turns into murderous desire, instead of calling it just their dirty love, whenever we find out what other really thinks of us, most of us would feel betrayed too.
裏切ると言っても、注目すべきは芸能人などが相手の場合は、読者様へ好きだけでなく、個人的にいい態度をする義務もないですが。あると感じたら、自分が好きで、相手も自分が好きだと期待しているからではないですか。
Even though we call that betrayal, something that we should also note is that the celebrities or such have no obligation to not only to like you, but also that they do not need to be nice to you at all. That if you feel they should, isn’t it because that you like them, and so you expect them to like you?
『愛は返されるべき』主義で等しく精神を調整する機構があるようで、わがままな人間の『恋愛方程式』と言えるかもしれません。
it is as if there is some mechanism that levels our mentality according to the principle of how “love must be requited,” which can probably be called as human’s selfish “love equation.”
私は多分読者様と同じく芸能人と少し会ったことがあって、好きは好きでも、その笑顔は義務だし、特別な意味があるというより、私たちと同じく他人への顔ではないかといつも疑いがあります。
Perhaps it is not so different from you that I had some chances of meeting some celebrities in person, and even though I like them, there is always doubt that their smiles are probably just to keep public image, which is the same with how we smile to anyone else in the society.
彼らは私たちと長い会話をしたいくらいで好意がある可能性は、日常に会う憧れる人より遥かに少ないと思います。
And as for the chance that they might like us enough to want to engage in a long conversation, I am of the opinion that it is far slimmer than with those good-looking people in your daily life.
面白いポイントは完璧に精神的に大人で、客観的にものごとを見られると信じる私たちは、知らない好きな人から、全く知らない芸能人まで、単に自分が彼らを好きなだけで、彼らから絶対気持ちが返ってくると曖昧に期待しています。
What is interesting is that we who believe that we are perfectly mentally mature and can think without bias, from some strangers that we like, to complete strangers such as celebrities, just by our having feelings for them, we somehow expect that they should return our feelings too.
謎の『恋愛方程式』によると、（信じる）恋愛は両方がイコールなので、もし芸能人などは私たちを好きになるタイプの人々ではないと信じている場合、私たちは彼らに対して何の好感も抱かないでしょう。
According to the mysterious “love equation,” love (as we feel it) from both sides must be equal, and that if we believe those celebrities are not the type of people that would like us, we would not have any feelings for them from the beginning.
そうは言ってもストーカーだし、性犯罪などを起こす人たちも曖昧に相手は自分が好きだと信じます。
I should also mention that stalkers or those who commit sex crimes do believe that their victims in fact like them too.
「もし自分がある人を好きになったら、その人も自分のことが好きになるはずだ」とはだれも本当だと認めたくありませんが、それは真実で私たちのことでしょう。
Even if nobody would want to admit that the saying “if I fall in love with someone, the person is surely going to fall in love with me too!” is true, perhaps it is undeniably how we actually think about love.
