For the above paragraph, if you do not seem to recall since when you ever had such haughty attitude, that is because of such mentality is rather subtle.
Firstly, even if we do not speak our minds, we from time to time might find ourselves thinking that “the world would be better if this person didn’t exist.”
By thinking that way, for example in case that such person did commit a heinous crime but he is someone the world needs, such as by being a professional or highly talented in some fields, we would convince ourselves that a person of with the same level of capabilities can be found anywhere, and if in case of delinquents we would want to believe that even if they cease to exist nobody would regret it as though they never have a family to begin with.
要は私たちにたいして、全くいいことのない人が存在していると確認したいです。
As for us, we want to make sure that there are some people who do not provide any goodness to the world whether they live or not.
If they still have some value we would not want them to disappear, and if we do want them to disappear even though they might be important so to say, we would neglect that point.
Since questions about human equality are out of scope here, I would not discuss about it. And instead of continuing this article by talking about which kinds of people are burdens to this world, I would like to raise the question that in the same way with our existence, have you ever noticed that the rich and famous people who look at us like we are some small ants, not knowing for what purpose we are living for, do exist?
確かにそういう人たちがいたら、社会にいるために思うことをだれも言いたくなさそうです。
Even if there are such people, in order to live in the society surely nobody would want to speak it out.
Similar to how we look at those worthless delinquents we find in the news, people who look at us from far above would find that we spend our whole lives working for an insignificant amount of income, what we like such as hobbies and our way of thinking are boringly predictable, and that even though they may not wish us to go end our lives, they might feel that if one or two of us were to disappear it would make no difference to the world at all.
In case that what I said is true, that in Japanese society that extols equality, instead of the rich and famous such as our beloved actors and actresses who smile for us, what we have are they who actually feel that we are mere “insects” behind our backs, why do we live on vigorously and still thinking that our lives are meaningful?
自分はその『上』の人たちより、優れることがあると感じるではないだろうか？
Isn’t it that we feel we are superior to those being “above” in some ways?
If the thing that is superior is not specific knowledge of some field, it is often the belief that we have more wisdom and understand life more than not only the persons in question, but also everyone else.
Here I should remark that since we were born and live in different environment, it is obvious that we would know what others do not know. But on the other hand, because we only know about ourselves and do not know how much others know, we never realize how much “wisdom” others have.
For this reason, why are those whom you think “their existence is worthless” still live on, is because they also think they understand “life” and are superior to you to some extent.
Instead of how we should feel that this is not a healthy way of thinking and deny our superiority thoughts, it probably is the cause why our mind’s functioning is yet to collapse, and that we can still live our lives normally.
例えはこんな感じかもしれません。（『漫画エンジェルネコオカ』のYTチャンネルより）
描写として、教室の風景を持ち出したいです。
To make this point clearer, I would like to use an example of a scene from a Japanese classroom.
Just like a classroom from many manga that here there is a popular guy who is a school baseball player. Then there is also another guy, our plain-looking protagonist who sits at his desk by the windows who sees how many girls are being attracted by the baseball guy as he is entering the classroom.
This is quite a common protagonist, that although even in manga or anime he is usually unaware that the beautiful girl in the class actually likes him, here, or perhaps in reality too, such person does not seem to exist. And as he is absentmindedly looking at the clouds, his starts to think about how much he really understands philosophy (from manga and anime) and that he also knows the deeper meaning of the work 〇〇 (insert manga or anime name here). Since he could grasp the meaning of existence this much, how is it possible for such baseball brute that thinks about nothing but banging girls all the time to have a brain for anything? If Akari-chan (beautiful classmate’s name) got tricked by that brute her life is going to be miserable for sure!
And as our protagonist keeps thinking, unbeknownst to him other ten guys around him are also thinking the same thing, in which the difference is perhaps the choice of manga or anime names to be inserted in 〇〇.
With how we feel superior to each other in this way that we can still continue to live our lives. If it were to malfunction and then we felt there is nothing good about us, and since there seem to be many people who experienced depression and such, I think you can easily imagine how it might turn out.
Recently we might see how South Korea as a nation gaining popularity through Hallyu (Korean Wave) especially with younger generations. However, if we are to look back, we will likely be reminded that it took South Korea only 50-60 years after the war to become what it is now. And if at some point the history were to change even slightly, so that nobody knows what South Korea is when talking about Korea in the Korean Peninsula, how different would that be?
恐らくだれにも注目されない国家になります。
It is likely that it would not be the country people feel special with anymore.
I have seen many foreigners on the internet who feel a strong bond with South Korea, and some to the point of saying that (it is as if) they had their past lives there. Still, if not because of K-Pop or K-Drama’s popularity, I wonder if they would ever say such things.
When we do “gyaru peace” (a hand pose popularized by Korean idols) or Korean make up or others we consider them trendy, being culture from the country that we can safely say we like it without feeling embarrassed. But some decades before if anyone were to say they liked South Korea, they would be certainly looked upon as being fond of exotic cultures. As for the other of South Korea that took different turns in the history, in case their economy is on par with a certain country in South East Asia, since that country still has an image of students riding elephants to school, why wouldn’t South Korea also be known as a country full of pachinko parlors too? (In the past running pachinko parlors was a popular business among Korean residing in Japan, thus the stereotype)
If things turn out to be as such, how much would the feeling that South Korea is one’s identity, and the need to find reference about everything from fashion to the speaking habits of South Korean people, remain?
When we say we like South Korea, instead of it meaning some kimchi-making country in the Korean Peninsula, it actually means that we like South Korea as a developed country with all the nice things they have.
However, that I brought up things about South Korea it was not to urge people to sincerely like South Korea or something. I just wish to show what our “like” actually is in reality.
I think that everyone surely thinks why, even though we are being so sincere in how we treat others, they never seem to notice at all? But if we are to think carefully, what that sincere and pure emotion really mean?
Similar to the example about South Korea, with an influence of hallyu, if a South Korean citizen would make friends with a Japanese person now they would be seen more as an equal, and with good looks they might even become popular, but all that is only with the case their country’s economy is good, isn’t it?
In countries that had been the leading civilizations of the world for hundreds of years that “something special” might have been incorporated into people’s personality, so that they might have more of an expectation that people should be nice to them, but for South Korea the status is rather new, that not only with Japan, but throughout the world too, if someone is to smile at them, there is always a doubt lingering somewhere whether that smile is truly from heart or not.
Such as with actors or idols, when we say that we love them and wish to be by their sides forever, feeling as though the world becomes colorful, and then think if everyone can perceive the same beauty as we do, there would only be love and peace in this world…in fact, well, everybody does feel the same thing.
Those actors or idols too, in the same way that South Korea might have taken a slightly different turn in the history as I mentioned, if they did not go on to debut or undergo plastic surgeries and live as an ordinary person, that “vividly colorful beauty” would not seem to be able to reach us by any means. And as for this same person who somehow did not debut, if he were to walk behind you at night, you might even wish to run away thinking that he is a pervert.
While in case of men such they probably realize that such feeling of “eternal love” overlaps much with sexual desires, not many women seem wanting to admit that.
When we who can “love” without conditions ask that why everyone else in the world does not feel beauty the way we do, actually everyone does feel it. Probably the problem is that the only one who claims it to be “pure” and “unconditional” is just we ourselves.
However, if we are going to say that how most people (except some perverts) are not fond of riding on a crowded train is not a personality, then if most people also think that they are shy and do not want to be in front of the public, likewise, to what extent should this be called a personality?
In foreign countries with cultures different from ours, being “shy” is often being regarded as a flaw, but here instead of saying that being sociable is good and proper, firstly I would like you to think about “shyness” and “laziness” and what actually is their difference, if there is any.
For example, while we say that among Japanese people there are some who are outgoing by nature and love to be the center of attention, isn’t it also true that among us also who do not want to wake up early in the morning, there those few who like to wake up at 5 or 6 and exercise regularly? The slight difference is that as “shyness” is sometimes cute and is not seen as problematic, “laziness” is considered as being an impediment in life, therefore quite many of the books in stores are about how we can combat “laziness”, aren’t they?
Being “shy” is not really the same as being “introvert.” While there are people who are sociable, there are also those who prefer being alone, and everything else in between. Still, what is often misunderstood is that such as with entrepreneurs or businesspersons, when we see them as being capable of public speaking or communicating with a huge number of staff and feel “that surely isn’t me,” behind the scenes, however, instead of their being hyperactive speaking with other people all the time, it may be a surprise to know that many just prefer to spend time privately.
そう言って、お笑い芸人みたいに、表と裏の性格が異なる方もあるあるではないですか？
And if we were to look from the comedians, aren’t their personalities in public and private different too?
Even if you can see “shyness” as being your personality as same as “laziness,” there surely is some situation such as in work that people should like you more, and possibly gain promotion if you can communicate properly. Isn’t there any moment when you watch videos from some YouTubers that you think are nonsense, but on a whim, still fancy that it would be nice if you could do the same too?
Even with protagonists’ friends in Japanese manga or drama, those funny characters who are often a guy from the baseball club or a friendly gyaru, in fact they probably still consider themselves as being “shy” too.
ある程度みんなはシャイです。
Everyone is shy to an extent.
人のことが上手だと見られる方は大分経験で、自然にできる人はそれほどいないと思います。
Since those who are being seen as good at dealing with people are mostly by experience, I think that there are not many of us who are being adept from the beginning.
In the same way as “laziness” that I wrote in the beginning, if you do not find that it impedes your life in any way, there is no need to consider them as a problem. However, whenever you have to be with other people and speak in front of them, then feel that you are “shy” and it is not your thing, just keep in mind that everyone else might feel the same about themselves too.
The reason that we feel shyness is something special about us is that we are being too shy until we do not look out for others, and fail to notice that being shy is a norm here.
Suppose that we who were born in Japan and like things such as Gundam or trains, for example, feeling as if they are an indispensable part of our identity, were to be born again into a different country as an exactly same person. By then, it is quite easy to imagine that things we like as mentioned above would become mere unrelatable pastimes from foreign culture which we did not like them anymore. Then what exactly does it mean to “like” something?
Is it situational that with just a slight shift in our experience, it would impact greatly on what we like? Or that no matter who we are, what we like would have always been the same?
あー！好きって環境の影響もあるねと普通に私たちは認めますが、それは問題です。
At this point we might say that “well, what we like are also affected by environment, of course. anyone knows that!” but that is where the problem lies.
好きなことは小さなことからお風呂みたいに、なければ人生を想像できないのもあります。しかし、もし私たちは日本の代わりに他の国に生まれて、そこでお風呂の文化がなかくて、生涯お風呂のことを考えない自分は、まだ自分ですか？What we like can range from tidbits to something we cannot imagine to live without such as our way of taking a bath (ofuro). However, if instead of Japan, the country where we were born instead does not bathe the way we do, then would we who never wished for such way of bathing during the lifetime, still be considered the same person who we are right now?
That is the same with people or actors and musicians we like, in the way that they become the meaning of our existence to an extent. Even so, if we were to be born again for many lifetimes from now on instead of implying that we should like the same persons unchangeably, that “like” is probably only from the “standpoint” right now that affects how we think.
Similar to when we fall in love with someone as mentioned previously in the essay “Why haven’t I met my prince yet?” we feel others’ attractiveness “relatively”, that if we become wealthier or have better looks our standard would change, and whom we feel is ideal for us would be different.
When we get irritated as someone disregards our respectable jobs even to the slightest degree, did we who applied for such jobs apply from the standpoint that we were could choose any jobs we like, refusing all other jobs even if they were more relaxed and paid more? Or at the time there were no other suitable choices for us? When a job becomes the job that we “like,” how much freely do we choose to begin with?
この話題に、私は本当に詳しいし、だれも否定してほしくない例えがあります。
I also wish to give an example regarding the topic, which I can assure I have a lot of experience with.
It is often being portrayed in media that those who like Japan are people from the developed countries. Nevertheless, those who do not only “like” but want to stay here as long as they live are mostly people who are not from the developed countries, and that I would like to elaborate on this “like” a little more.
If the standard of living of one’s country is unsatisfactory, it would be easier for them to say that they “like” other country’s culture which they consider to be more developed, which is the case not only with Japan but with other countries as well.
That “fondness” may be so fervent and become the person’s identity, to the point that they want to move there. Still, if there is going to be a survey about “do you want to move there?” conducting in both developed countries and not so developed countries, and that we are to compare the disparity in percentage points, we would understand that in case there are no problems regarding standard of living, how many would sincerely “like” the culture or such.
The point is that even if a person becomes fond of a country because of living standard problems, they would still feel that they like with pure heart without any outside influence, and no one would ever realize where their motivation comes from.
If Japan is not safe and orderly, but is a backwater country full of perverts (perhaps the latter is the situation right now), it is likely that people who say they love Japanese arts and culture would become significantly fewer.
しかし、それは嫌なことより、私たちもそうではないかと。
Yet, even if that sounds disturbing, isn’t it the same with us too?
To like something, rather than it being a result of personality that does not change which would stay the same no matter where we were born, it is very fluid.
As a thought experiment, if we who say we love Japan and wish to protect Japan at all costs, were to be born a few hundred kilometers away in a neighboring country, would we still say the same thing? If not so, isn’t it that what we feel we like at the moment, a product of some necessity?
What might be uncomfortable with the idea of “liking” being fluid is that, with whom we like for example, we want to believe that our feelings are pure, and that we would love the same person in all lives we are going to be born from now on, as being somewhat portrayed in Shinkai Makoto’s themes in animes.
If that is not true, we should also think that why, for all the cultures in this world, we always find our loves in French or German culture? And that we feel so because of these countries are advanced in some ways? Or we just like their cultures and nothing else?
ヨーロッパの国々の文化は外の人が見分けられないのは多いですが。
It is worth noting that cultures of many countries in Europe do not seem different to outsiders much.
Why? many women may be wondering, if any men were to pay attention to them, why they would almost always be married men, playboys, or perverts, and that where all the “good men” are? Well, there probably is some good explanation.
For example, if we are going to be optimistic for the matter and say that in every five people there is one such “good man,” but still after being approached five or ten times that man does not seem to appear at all, at this point it raises a question that why should a good man feel the need to ask you out that much?
Even if the man is not rich but generally is a nice person with good looks, it is very likely that he has a satellite of girls around him. Therefore, if you really shine bright like a star enough to pull him out of his comfort zone to begin with, instead of being where you are right now, aren’t you going to be in a position that you are able to pick guys of your choice just like some famous actresses? (That is, you won't need him anymore)
Furthermore, since a “good man” is likely to be more careful about relationship because he is serious with it, he is slower to approach someone. And while you might wish for a heartthrob who is so tall and stylish like protagonists in shoujo manga (girls’ comics) to appear for you, if he would be able to flirt so casually with girls, that is already habitual, so to speak, and how many girls do you think he did the same thing before coming to you?
Even though there are many married couples who started a true relationship because of casual flirtation, what is often being overlooked is that flirting actually requires more courage than it seems, and is not something so trifle. If a man does not experience just a few times of confessing love before he could successfully start a relationship, but does it over and over because he fails or probably wants to play around, his sincerity would wear off, he would soon realize that flirting is a game.
That is he does not see women he likes as being a goddess, but some goods in a convenient store for him to take whenever he wants, which may be somewhat true in reality. And with that view women perhaps turn into just an goal to accomplish.
Although it is a rough estimate, let’s say that if it is just “once” that the “good man” mentioned from the beginning musters his courage to talk to a girl he likes whom he is also a close acquaintance of, meanwhile those married men and playboys flirt with random girls for “tens of times” in a year, which do you think you would be more likely to find?
それは現実のシチュエーションです。
This is the real situation.
これらの理由で、多くの人に王子様は近寄らないと思います。
For these reasons, most people would probably never meet the prince of their lives.
It is also the same as on social media and with mobile phone, that whenever there is an incoming message, instead of it coming from a friend or someone who means well, it is almost always an ad or a scam.
I also would like to mention about the relationship of the Spanish footballer Gerard Piqué and the singer Shakira which I think may be quite related to the topic.
Before they broke up, they had two children together during their 11-year relationship. Even though on various websites wrote that they met through being “introduced” to each other in 2010, actually they met very briefly and Piqué almost did not know Shakira at all when he started to contact her, which can be said that he hit on her, and it is a fair guess that he has somewhat of a playboy character.
When a person is a playboy or a habitual cheater, he would still be himself and would not change much. By that, it does not mean a shy and introvert men will noot be able to turn into a playboy when the chance comes, but such as with musicians, if some people like their playboy image they have from the start, once you date them they are not likely to change to a good husband all the sudden.
What is different from a shoujo manga is that personalities are not decorations that anyone can wear whatever they like whenever they want. In fact, most people’s personalities are quite obvious, that we can easily understand if just not being too biased.
However, instead of suggesting that the prince is a fantasy and we should live with reality, most of the times when we really get into a relationship with such “prince” we would find out that he is not really a prince.
「王子様じゃなければ、一般人でもいいよ！」ということより、もっと良くないのです。
And unlike how you might say “he doesn’t need to be a prince, just a normal guy is enough!” the meaning is somewhat worse.
Such as with handsome actors or musicians, what do you think they normally do when the night comes? Reading fan letters over and over smiling to themselves and such, or not so?
私は曖昧に『If you can’t spot a sucker…』何々とかの言葉をどこかで読んだ覚えがあって、検索したらもともとそれはマット・デイモンさんが出演した1998年映画の『Rounders』からとわかりました。
I remember vaguely that I came across the quote “If you can’t spot a sucker…” somewhere, and when I googled it I found that it came from the movie “Rounders” (1998) in which Matt Damon took the leading role.
In full, it says “If you can't spot the sucker in your first half-hour at the table, then you are the sucker,” which is to point out how a newbie is being noticed when gambling.
Similar to such gambling newbies, aren’t we who feel that we are being “neutral” and somewhat a little bit above average, feel so just because we do not have anything to compare ourselves to?
こう見られるには理由があります。
Here is why.
まず、人は本当に『タブラ・ラーサ（白紙の状態）』で生まれますか。
First of all, are we really born as “blank slates”?
That is as though we all have a “default setting,” of which if it is in a game, we who start with almost nothing would gradually acquire items and skills until we become distinguishable from others.
In reality it is also the case with childrearing, that our children are being born as “blank slates” and then brought up in a “neutral environment,” with different methods depending on the family. However, as we look other families and feel how our children are different from most children, that they are certainly not being average and are superior at many abilities, whenever they are to go abroad, aren’t they all just being looked upon as stereotypically a shy Japanese?
『自分のまま』と言う自分は、私たちが感じる自分だろうか、外から見る自分だろうか。
When we say “this is who we are,” is that who-we-are the one who we feel we are, or we who are being seen from the outside world?
Or just like the situation how a person who lives in the country does not know that they have an accent until upon moving to the city, instead of their being neutral, isn’t it that they already have a lot of peculiarities they themselves are not being aware of?
The point is that the discrepancy of we as who we feel we are and how we are being perceived does exist, and that as we spend time outside and see reactions from various people and situations, what is once unknown to us will become more obvious.
しかし、それは私たちはあまり知りたくないことです。
However, that is not what we would like to know much.
For example, from appearance to career and other criteria, those who are being superior in those areas are only the top 10-20%, and that if we are to be compared with them we are already doomed to be in the last 80%.
As for the meaning of “blank slate” that is being used in this essay, to explain more clearly it is just like a main character in “isekai novel,” which in case of male protagonist he would be around 170cm in height, somewhat good-looking, and able to show his abilities fairly well whenever the situation demands.
And the said situations do not have to be save-the-world thing but simple things in daily life, such as from helping to catch a thief or picking up fruits the fell for a town folk, however, we who are being ordinary than ordinary never seem to have such chances.
Even if that is such protagonist who can do everything does not exist in reality, instead of it deserved being criticized as nonsensical, I just think that maybe we all have the image that we are being “neutral” to an extent.
『中立』だし、『地味な主役』の感じです
“Neutral,” and also being a “lowkey protagonist” at the same time.
That if there is going to be a group photo, by our side who is in “isekai” it would feel natural to have a dwarf there, and behind us a friendly big guy, and even though we who stand in the middle do not seem to have anything outstanding, seem to be the sanest among those people. Nevertheless, how can we be so certain that in reality, instead of a quite good-looking the protagonist who can miraculously accomplish anything, we are not actually the dwarf or the big guy?
『認識の相違』と関連の話は長いので、次回もっと書きたいと思います。
Since “difference in perceptions” and related topics are being quite lengthy, I would like to write more about it next time.
As for this article, the main idea is that even if we feel that we are being “neutral,” that is not really the case. That we do not feel our characteristics and habits is not because they do not exist, but only from how we are too familiar with them, which is instead of our being a “protagonist” that is fairly good at everything, there is also a lot of probability that we might actually be below average.
So that if we are to gamble somewhere, while we feel as though we are such “protagonist” doing some mission, probably the other people at the table would also look at us as just another “sucker,” then how could we know that which one is correct?
Even with his essay’s brevity, it may still explain the essence of love and relationship better than the book “Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus” and such.
『男は火星から、女は金星からやってきた』作者ジョン・グレイ
だれにでも恋愛関係（または恋愛ができない）、という問題があるのは当たり前ですが。
It can be said that anyone surely has relationship problems (or lack of it) at least once in their lives.
However, if we are not going to be poetic about it, whenever complicated “relationships” come to an end, it actually has more to do with “sex” rather than because of a couple’s personalities do not get along.
はい、そうです。
Yes, that is correct.
関係の問題の原因は大分『セックス』です。
The root of all problems in a relationship is mostly about “sex.”
大胆な提案なので、もっと詳しく解説したいと思います。
Since it is such an improper suggestion, please let me explain this a little further.
Even though we often heard of the saying that “men and women are different”, instead of their being really “different”, probably since nowadays we think of ourselves as equal human beings and deep down we are the same, despite of having different opinions, it is just like how one person is supposed to have one same vote, and such difference is being seen as mere “outwardly.”
In politics this “equal” approach may still have its place since that everyone aims somewhat for the same wellbeing. However, when it comes to a person’s love life, especially that of men and women, even for what is called the “contracts,” the reasons why they start a relationship, are different.
その『契約』の満たし方も違うせいで、ほとんどの恋愛関係の問題になるかもしれません。
And probably because the conditions how the “contracts” can be fulfilled are also different, it becomes the cause of most problems in love relationships.
In order to understand that how much “love contracts” between men and women are different, first of all please consider whether what is called “love” is just women’s games or not.
When we see romantic dinners or the like in media such as TV dramas and feel that this is what love relationship is supposed to look like, don’t you think that those who say they want such romantic moments are women rather that men?
The truth is no matter how we see it as things couples would do, if not because of how men want to impress their partners, or that if women do not express any wish for it, men would rarely participate in general.
Surprise gifts, anniversaries, flower bouquets, and couple’s trips are women’s things. Especially for the trips, you can google to see the statistics by yourself.
そうしたら、恋愛で男は何がほしい？
If so, what do men want from love?
……はい、みんなの常識通りに、『セックス』です。
Yes, it is sex, as you already know.
大体、ただ『セックス』。
Mostly sex.
この点、否定したい男の方が多くいそうで、自分は心があるし、自分はクリス・ハートの『I LOVE YOU』の曲を歌いながら『the other half』 を探しているタイプの人と言いたがるみたいですが。しかし、ちゃんと考えたら、もしその『恋愛』の終点はお泊りデートなどではなければ、実際に相手はロマンス詐欺師と分かったらまだその『わくわく』が残りますか。
By saying this, there may be a lot of men who feel that is untrue, that they have hearts and are the type of persons that sing Chris Hart’s “I LOVE YOU” song while relentlessly looking for “the other half.” However, if we are to think carefully, when such “love” does not lead to the girl coming to stay over with you, and you discover that in fact he/she is actually romance scammer, does that “romantic” feeling still remain?
And if that romance scammer and a lover’s difference is that he/she only cannot come to stay over at your place, isn’t what is “truly” love when we do not see through rose-colored glasses is about just how people wait for a lover to come to their room?
As to avoid misunderstanding, rather than just “sex,” men’s condition for love is probably about whether or not a partner expresses “passion” for them, and not being entirely about physical relationship. One might also notice that men seem to have the tendency to be satisfied with partners that are not real (ranging from anime characters to online strangers) than women.
That being said, while women might wish to make “memories” such as by having nice meals on special occasions or going to Disneyland, there is a considerable difference in men, for they seem to prefer just staying comfortably home having instant noodles on a regular basis.
個人差にもかかわらず、一般的に恋愛は女の要求で、男は従うことと言っても外れないかもしれません。
Even if we are to take individual differences into consideration, it would not be too far-fetched to say that in general, love is all about women’s demands, and it is men that follow them.
逆に女の方は無垢ではありませんが。
On the other hand, women are not entirely faultless.
豹変した夫婦
3
男の恋愛の定義は『セックス』までですが、女のはどこまでだろう。
Men’s definition of love may mean nothing further than “sex,” but how about women’s love?
Although the wish to “make a happy and stable family life” seems appropriate for emotions of a person who is going to become a mother, definitions of such “happy and stable” can be anything from herself and husband having income enough to subsist, to if a certain pandemic is coming again, there is going to be a private bunker with a ten-year amount of food supply prepared for them in Greenland.
いくらでも、『家族』のためではないですか？
No matter how expensive it is, that’s for “family” right?
Since nobody knows how far the meaning of “happy and stable” might be stretched to, even when someone is known to be marrying for money, it should not be too strange for them to feel that it is all for their “family.”
しかし、それは本当に女の恋愛の『契約』です。
However, that is what women’s love “contract” really looks like.
This “contract” which concerns “family” is different from men’s, since it does not deal only with their partners, but being vaguer, and eventually encompasses everything in a relationship such as house chores, cooking, and children too.
Men may also share these roles, but the difference between men and women is that as for women, when a family is being run smoothly, it means that their “conditions” of a contract have been fulfilled, then mentally earning some kind of points only they keep counting. These points will be brought up whenever they argue with their partners, and since they are not so keen about “sex” as much as men do,” when points are overloaded such as after giving birth to a child, they treat it as a chance to avoid the “duty” of having sex altogether.
And what is peculiar is that for men, rather than the points being about relationship that they feel women are indebted to them when they give gifts or the like, it seems to be about whether they exercise hard and have nice muscles, and is able to “satisfy” their partner or not. That is if they do, they would feel like they have fulfilled the duty as a boyfriend or a husband, deserving to be loved.
Between women who care mostly about “family,” and men who think of nothing but “sex,” it is obvious that whenever there is a problem in their relationship, anything would seem like men’s fault.
Nevertheless, after a detour about differences in “contracts” between men and women, what this essay actually tries to show from the outset is that whether what is called love is really about “sex” or not.
一般的に女が信じるのとは違って、紳士だし、優しく家族を一緒に助けてほしい男はいないです。
As opposed to what is generally believed, men that are kind and gentle who want to make a family together do not really exist.
いると思うのは、女子中学生だけじゃないだろうか？
Those who think they exist are only middle school girls, perhaps?
That is because such things are not men’s point of interest at all. And if not so, why are all women they seem wanting to make a family with are more than often being so young and beautiful?
You might feel that men are being selfish, however, when we look at whether the wish to “make a family” is women’s agenda or not, isn’t it true that we are being selfish on both sides?
A little of what couples may have that connects each other is sexual desire, which is more abundant in men than in women. Without such, there may still be those who want to become a good husband, but since they are too good to be true, and it should be considered that someone like “you” would never be lucky enough to meet him in this lifetime.
Furthermore, behaviors that are being seen as romantic such as playfully hugging one’s partner at whim, is intrinsically sexual. Even though it is being a weak form, if a couple’s relationship has truly turned cold not only that we would never see these behaviors, they may even feel annoyed just by the presence of each other.
The reason that people often said a couple’s relationship is about “personality,” ignoring the sexual nature of it, is what else if not that they just do not want to be seen as being obsessed with sex?
What I would like you to consider is that if it is about “personality,” such as they get married in order that they can talk every day like highschoolers on a school trip, wouldn’t it be better to stay just as friends? And if you feel that something is lacking or strange, how can you be sure that such part you feel is missing is not about “sex”?
Apart from that, say for example, if a couple with “mismatched personalities” are to cheat on each other and find another partner with a “well-matched personality,” what they would do eventually is talking endlessly over a dinner, or would they just have “sex”?
If we look carefully, a feeling that we call “personalities are well matched” is rather being something logical and explainable, isn’t it more of a set of emotions people on both sides mutually have which lead to “the wish to have sex”?
5
性格は恋愛関係に関係があると否定できなくても、柔軟すぎるのではないかと。
Although we cannot deny that personalities have their place in a romantic relationship, they are very adaptable in reality.
As for men, even though they may be a die-hard fan(oshi) of some lovely idols, they also seem to be fine if they were to really dating whoever the group, and as for women, when some rich people show interest in them, even if they feel they might soon break up for all the bad habits experienced, what we often see is that most would decide endure at least until they tie the knot.
『性格が合う』と感じる人たちは、ある程度格好良くなければお金やいい仕事がある人ばかりみたいですが。
Those we feel they have “matching personalities” with if not at least being good-looking, always have money or good career paths, as it seems.
Instead of being about having perfectly matched “personalities,” in order for a couple’s relationship to last, isn’t it about how they should change themselves for one another?
There might be people who we really do not get along with, but if you could invite your partner to as far as your bedroom, probably you two’s compatibility is good enough.
With that feeling, it may become how we might smile to our partner, or give even the wish to have an intimate relationship. But rather than there is a line between what is romantic and what is indecent, all is nothing but aspects of that love itself.
二人はまだお互いに少しでも『熱烈』ならば、関係は簡単に終わらないです。
If the two still have at least some “passion” for each other, the relationship would never come to an end so easily.
If you ever hear people saying that love is an obligation where men and women raise children as if it is some routine job, you can be certain that it is from someone who is “sexless,” and already forgot that once they had a heart too.
Besides, although it might be beneficial to the society by raising one or two children, since for the one or two children to be here or not would not significantly change anything, and thus having a family is actually a duty no one requests. So when you enter a relationship which seems loveless, it is you yourself who entered. Whether you would have a meaningful relationship full of joy, or one that both you and your partner hate just to see each other, choosing one is your own responsibility.
